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A common question asked by many parents is regarding how to bond with your child!

While you are a dedicated parent and have the same love of each of your children, you may naturally have a better connection with one child than the other.  In this case, you may be questioning how to get a better bond with your child.

Do you love your child less?
Absolutely not!
Are you a bad parent then?
Again, I’ll have to disagree.

Having a weak bond with our children can affect our home life significantly and can be a cause of prolonged frustration if ignored. 

The lack of a solid foundation in a relationship and healthy communication will manifest itself throughout the stages of their growth, yet we can always take some steps to build a stronger foundation and nourish our relationship.

Think of it as – every relationship needs a refresh, and this time – it’s with your son or daughter.

As a Personal Coach, I know my stand regarding issues or hardships in life and this is the one I am going to offer you today to try for yourself.

It’s all about facing opportunities straightforwardly and sharpening our communication skills, in simple and practical ways. 

 This is what I want you to aim for, and set your mind toward today. Keep it simple.

father playing wood blocks with his child

1. Think About Similarities and Differences To Get A Bond With Your Child

Let’s pausefor a minute and think because this step is a major one. Every good plan starts with a good thought.

Ask yourself:
“What are the differences and similarities between myself and my child?”

What stands out the most in every personal dispute is having different personalities that often clash with one another.

You may find that this is the cause of not being able to fully bond with your child – your very different personalities. Or, in other words – “This child did not learn all that from me!”.

A Valuable Opportunity to Form an Amazing Relationship

Think about it, being a completely different person to someone so close as your child is a huge, valuable opportunity to widen your views in life and learn another attitude, approach, and way of life – from your very own child!
You will be also teaching them your own unique way, so they may learn and expand their views as well.  Overall, it’s a win-win opportunity for everyone.

Ask yourself this too:
– How does my child usually react to me when I approach them?
– What would a different approach look like?

It’s essential to think about the easy–to–spot patterns in the way you engage and communicate with one another.  Then, reflect and work out new, creative ways to form a better model of your relationship. 

Think about practical and simple ways to express your wishes and needs. 

For example – do you struggle to talk with your child? 

In this case, a new and creative way to try next time can be to simply write, draw or record what you want your child to know.  This conveys your message without putting on them the pressure of the conversation. 

You can even do more to make it appealing and with good intention, if you put it in a nice envelope on their table (a guaranteed eye-catcher!). 

Always keep the tone of your voice positive, peaceful, and encouraging. 

Remember, you aim to build a genuine connection with your child and get closer to them. 

Give more thought and focus to the way you talk or write to your child because integrity and honesty will be responsible for the positive shift in your relationship.

2. SHARE IT – To Build a Strong Bond with Your Child

Once you see clearly the differences and similarities between you and your child, you know which ones can make you closer to them, and which ones create the opportunity to learn more from each other. Point them out to your child!

Aim to Establish Mutual Understanding

  • Communication is always the key to building a strong bond with your child. Let your child know you acknowledge the differences between the two of you and add how much you enjoy learning new things from them!
  • Make sure your child knows that you both may be different, but it shouldn’t stop your relationship from growing in a healthy, rich way. 
  • Be clear with your child and let them know that you love them regardless of any disagreements and differences.

Honestly, I know it sounds like stating the obvious, but you will be surprised to know how much it’s important to vocalize a lot of our feelings, plans, expectations, and intentions to maintain really healthy communication.

 A boy and a man sitting faces together discussing about their differences

3. PROVE IT, SHOW IT

After you establish the initial mutual understanding and good communication with your child, show them you mean it.

Really mean it yourself. Give your child a safe space to show themselves,  their uniqueness, their vulnerability, and really learn things about them you never knew.

Whether your child is young or old – take them to that place they always talk about or provide them with the equipment or the materials they always wished to have.

I’m not suggesting you should “spoil” them with gifts. Instead, provide the opportunity for the both of you together.

4. LISTEN

Listening is a skill that you can always improve. Not every talk with our children has to end with a parent’s advice. Fair, right?

Let it be comfortable for your child to share with you and make their own “moves” towards bonding with you.

Create more space for that by being focused on them and by being prepared to listen more.

5. ACCEPT THE PAST

If you have issues from the past with your child that are stopping you from bonding, understand that to start anew means: to accept and forgive. 

Take a practical and fair action – accept the past, as it was, accept the things that have happened, for good or bad. As a whole.

If you find that there’s a struggle to forgive and you want to resolve those complex issues once and for all, consider advising a professional to walk you through it.

If you’re in a position to do it independently with your child, consider those tips:

  • Sit with your child privately for a talk.
  • Take turns to speak without being interrupted.
  • Aim to maintain the utmost honesty and personal integrity when sharing with them what’s on your mind. It means to take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings and admit them. Avoid blame and mind games.

Letting Your Past Be the Past

If you’re not in a position to open up with your child just yet, but have inside the “call” or the hunch to start addressing the issues with your child, I highly recommend – starting the healing process alone.

Heal. Even if your child refuses to be a part of this process. 

There’s always a possibility that your personal healing will affect your relationship with your child and that’s a win-win situation! 

forgetting the past to bond with your child

Conclusion

Bonding with your child can be a fun and rewarding experience for both of you. Following these simple steps will help get you started on the right foot. What have you found to be the best way to bond with your child?

You can also bond with your child through traveling. Check out – How To Make Family Road Trip Fun.

Our article about the Whisper Technique is a helpful way to have effective good communication with your child. Check it out!

 

References:

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Normal-Family-Functioning.aspx

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Family-Arguments.aspx

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